Counseling for Academics

When you’re a member of an academic community…

… you find yourself entrenched in an institution with its own culture, values, and power structures. The same thing goes for your field of study.

At times, you may feel you’re thriving in the world of higher education.

You’ve found the support, structure, and inspiration you need.

At other times, you may feel confused, constrained… even alienated.

You might question whether you fit in or whether you can find “your people.”

You might struggle to reconcile your academic goals with your life goals, wondering if you can flourish as a scholar AND a human being.

You might wonder whether any of academia’s paths is “right” for you… or whether it’s possible to blaze your own unique trail.

Finding a healthy and authentic path is not easy.

That’s true everywhere. But in the university system, there are some unique challenges.

I know first-hand the struggles that emerge in academic settings…

The burnout, isolation, and instability…

The damaged self-esteem, lost purpose, and constant angst about which sacrifices are worth making and which are not…

The big ethical questions about the direction of the education system in general…

I’ve been there.

On the one hand, I’ve experienced what it takes to “succeed” according to mainstream academic goals. And I know what it’s like when that success is filled with a sense of pride, excitement, and the confidence that all the hard work was worth it.

But I also know how it feels to be miserable in spite of that “success” and to regret the trade-offs you made with your health, joy, and time with loved ones.

And, perhaps just as important, I know now what life can be like beyond the ivory tower.

Sometimes, we suffer in academia most because our perspective is so entrenched in the culture that we can’t see it as strange. We can’t critically evaluate it because we have nothing to compare it to. That makes us think the academic way is “the only way,” and we are trapped in it. If there’s a problem, it must be our fault for not being able to adapt. We feel low self-esteem about what we perceive to be our own failures without seeing the dysfunction in the system.

As a philosophical counselor with over 20 years of experience inside the university system as a student, professor, and academic advisor, and another eight on the outside, I can help you to see things from different points of view and support you through your challenges.

When you’re new to the academic world as an undergraduate…

You might feel simultaneously proud, thrilled, and totally freaked out.

It wasn’t easy to make it this far, and there’s a lot at stake in ensuring this whole academic experiment is a “success.”

Understanding and navigating a university’s unspoken norms can be challenging, and everybody seems to assume that the way things work is obvious.

Uh, it’s not, and you need someone who can troubleshoot with you.

You feel the pressures of your family’s hopes and your teachers’ dreams. You want to make them proud. You might be a little afraid to admit that even though you worked hard to make it to college, you’re not exactly sure why you’re there.

In fact, you might feel really confused about what you even want to get out of your experience. You’re worried there might not even be room for you to find YOUR way amid everyone else’s expectations.

Or maybe you’re the kind of person who has planned everything out in advance of graduation day. But now you’re struggling to adapt to some unexpected twists in the road: Your favorite program got cut from the curriculum, you got your first “B,” or more and more of your classes got pushed online. How are you supposed to deal when things don’t go according to plan?

And then let’s not forget the reality that you’re on your own for the first time, in a new school, with none of your old friends to lean on. How will you find people you can connect with – like REALLY connect with – in deep and meaningful ways that will let you grow into the person you want to be?

In philosophical counseling…

We can talk about the different pressures, identify the assumptions and values behind different expectations, distinguish between the productive, destructive, or just distracting influences on you, and consider how you can manage them in a way that works best for you.

We can discuss how YOU hope to grow during your college experience and what steps you can take to explore different interests. We can clarify what is most important for YOU and how you might find like-minded friends for your journey.

We can also work together to navigate the tangly web of university norms, forging a path that helps you pursue YOUR goals through the higher ed structure.

If you’re a grad student who’s been in academics for a long time…

You may know the norms of your institution and field of study all too well but wonder if they clash with your own values, goals, and sense of ethics.

You might feel railroaded down a pre-set path of “success” but wonder if you’re losing sight of your own aspirations – not just as an “academic” but as a “person.”

Perhaps you’re mired in dysfunctional department politics while being badly exploited as a teaching and research assistant.

You might be enduring a culture that is overly competitive, critical, esoteric, or saturated with toxic masculinity. And frankly, it might be kind of a nightmare.

Perhaps there’s some strange script you’re expected to follow, and it’s getting in the way of your ability to be yourself and uphold your integrity without fear of subtle or not-so-subtle punishments.

And let’s not forget the unrelenting string of deadlines, stress, rejection, exhaustion, and a fair dose of poverty that’s baked into the grad school experience in the BEST of times.

Maintaining your sense of purpose, integrity, freedom, and well-being can be difficult when faced with academic pressures and environments that have become unhealthy.

You might struggle with motivation or burnout.

You might feel a loss of meaning and relevance in your work.

You might be suffering from the slow but sure degradation of your self-esteem.

And, hey, it can feel pretty lonely sitting in that library carrel all day – you know, the one where you can reach all four walls from your chair? (Wait, your carrel isn’t like that?)

Listen, I know you love your field of study, and you’ve sacrificed a lot to get this far. Grad school is not for the faint of heart, and you’ve proven your resilience. I know you’ve had to repeatedly make something out of nothing with little to no guidance.

In philosophical counseling…

We can slow down, put all the other voices aside, and talk about YOUR academic and life goals.

You do not need to “perform” in this conversation for me. I am not secretly grading you or wondering if I want to work with you on your dissertation.

What kind of a scholar do you want to be? What kind of a person do you want to be? What are the obstacles? Where are the opportunities, support systems, and points of inspiration?

Do your scholarly goals require sacrifices that just aren’t worth it? Or can you carve out a path that allows you to build a life you can love?

How can you take more control of your academic experience and future?

How can you find the friendships that will make the journey connected and joyful?

If you’re a professor, you’re a veteran.

There’s a trail of sweat and tears alongside your dissertation, endless string of job applications, revise-and-resubmit letters gathering dust on the far corner of your desk, and the stack of student papers you should have returned two weeks ago.

You haven’t seen a day off in years. Every drop of energy goes to prepping class, serving on five committees, trying to get accepted to a conference, and wondering which small town you’ve never heard of you’ll be living in next year.

You might face blank stares in the classroom every day and wonder if your life’s work is making any difference.

You might feel like none of your colleagues even knows you as a human being. They judge you solely on your publications – you know, those research projects you are expected to do “on your own time” for no compensation?

Perhaps the whole idea of your status as a publisher has stamped itself on your soul as well. You’ve come to judge your own self-worth by it, and you can’t shake the feeling that you are never good enough. You wonder how you’ll ever make it in this career. And since your whole life has become your career, you wonder whether you’ll ever make it, period.

Oh, and you’re 3,000 miles away from anyone you’ve ever cared about. Or, if you’re lucky, your spouse is across campus in a role marginally related to their expertise and woefully underpaid, and you haven’t had a date night in three months.

But, ya know, you’re doing all this because you believe in education and care about the students, right?

Except your institution is more focused on building boutique dorms and huge sports centers than quality education and the well-being of the faculty and students. And maybe the students don’t even really want to be in the classroom.

Things are becoming unmanageable… perhaps even unbearable.

Can you change the situation?

Can you change your expectations?

Can you make it work?

Do you need to get out?

Crap, now you’re getting heart palpitations. You could not be more invested in this path “working out.” The thought of changing tracks now gives you a panic attack and an overwhelming sense of grief.

Okay, let’s take a deep breath.

You are a person who is much bigger and more important than your publications. And you’re much bigger and more important than those two negative student evaluations. So, please, for your own well-being, stop looking at them. Your life matters in ways that far exceed whatever’s going on in your academic role.

In philosophical counseling…

We can step back and try to get a bigger picture of your talents, aspirations, joys, and all your value as a whole person. Then, we can see what’s going on with your academic career inside that larger context.

What’s working and what’s not?

What’s crushing you?

What still inspires you?

Have some of the academy’s toxic beliefs taken over your life?

Can we examine them… maybe even exorcise them with some good old-fashioned critique?

Can we find creative ways to shape your career in a way that will be more fulfilling?

And, if you need it…

Can we help you find your way out?

You don’t have to go it alone.

Monica Vilhauer, Ph.D. Philosophical Counselor

When you need a critical and creative partner who will be a fierce advocate for your well-being…

Who knows the ins and outs of academic life…

And whom you can be certain will NEVER be reviewing you for promotion…

Contact me for a consultation call. Reach out now.