Counseling for Recovering Gymnasts

I know how committed you’ve been to your sport.

It’s taken up all of your time and energy. Gymnastics has been your identity.

There was a time when gymnastics was all fun and games. You played, you laughed… you flipped without fear. And you got good. Really good. Really fast.

Then things got pretty intense and demanding in the gym. But you handled it. You’re tough, and you know how to sacrifice and work hard.

Hard work isn’t the problem. When you’re a perfectionist, hard work is fun!

But there HAS been a problem.

And you sense that it’s still affecting you today. You’re just not sure how to explain it.

Here’s one example of how the problem might have started back in the gym: Sometimes, you’d get scared of new skills (and sometimes even old skills). I mean, it happens, ya know? This is gymnastics. You’re hurling your body through the air on a four-inch beam.

But the problem wasn’t necessarily the fear (which was actually kind of reasonable, if you think about it). The problem was that there was no one there to support you and help you get through it.

There was just disappointment and anger from the coach… or the dreaded “you’re not worth my time” silent treatment.

And that’s not all…

You were struggling with chronic injuries that needed rest, but you couldn’t say anything because the coach would dismiss you as weak, lazy, or uncommitted.

Perhaps you were dealing with nerves competing in front of a crowd, struggling with a particular training technique, or overcome by general exhaustion. But you really weren’t allowed to talk about it.

There was no one you could trust to take you seriously – only people who would dismiss you or find some way to punish you. There was no chance to collaborate with the coach to troubleshoot, rebuild your confidence, recover and grow. You had no voice. No choices. You were supposed to just do what you were told – or suffer the consequences.

The only things the coach seemed to find worthwhile about anyone were good scores, wins, and medals. Nothing else about you really mattered. If you didn’t deliver, s/he wanted nothing to do with you.

And so, things got much darker.

Powerless, frustrated, and afraid…

You dealt day in and day out with the terror of getting a mental block, making a mistake, or even speaking in the gym.

Over time you became afraid of gaining a single pound because of the constant critique of your body… so fear and stress started to follow you to the kitchen.

You started to dread going to practice. You were walking on eggshells all the time.

Every day carried with it a new risk that you’d be on the coach’s bad side.

You started to feel like you were never good enough – in the gym and in general. Your confidence wavered. Your sense of self-worth was falling apart. You were alone.

You’re not sure WHAT to think about all this now.

All those years went by, and it’s as if there was no room for… you.

YOUR thoughts… YOUR feelings… YOUR choices… YOUR basic human needs…

But, wait. Isn’t this YOUR life?

You wonder whether your life has ever been your own. You’ve had to be a robot, with your coach holding the controls. For a long time, you’ve felt less than human.

You don’t want to carry around these feelings anymore.

You want to be in charge of your own life. You want to be recognized as a person.

And you don’t want to unwittingly fall back into the old patterns you endured.

Maybe you even have some new people in your life now that you sense are worth trusting — people who want to listen to you, collaborate with you, and treat you with respect.

But you feel stuck in this infinite loop of fear, low self-esteem, and nervousness around others. Even when there’s freedom to use your voice and make your own decisions, you’re not quite sure how.

You want to understand what you’ve lived through, digest it, and figure out a way to make a better future for yourself.

If you’ve been through a dehumanizing experience in gymnastics, you are not alone.

There has been an ethical crisis going on in gymnastics for a very long time. And it’s in many other sports as well.

You’re probably all too aware of the gymnastics abuse scandals in the news. There seems to be a new one every day.

You’ve seen “Athlete A.” You know about Larry Nassar. And you know the abuses in the sport are not only sexual. They are physical and emotional as well. And they happen all over the world, from intermediate to elite levels.

You recognize what the hundreds of brave gymnasts who have come forward are saying about toxic training environments:

There’s the culture of fear and intimidation.

There are the incessant insults, threats, and punishments.

There’s the “winning at all costs” mentality.

There’s the requirement that you train on injuries and never rest or heal.

There’s the body-shaming and disordered eating.

And there’s the weird gaslighting. Everyone tells you everything is fine… this is how things MUST be if you’re going to get good. This is what sacrifice looks like. This is what grit and resilience look like. This is what you must endure to be a champion. And if you can’t cut it, you’re weak. If you question the cult beliefs, YOU are crazy and don’t belong in the sport.

You’re starting to question the “norm.”

You’re starting to ask where the line is between tough coaching and abuse.

You’re starting to question whether belittling, intimidation, threats, and punishments are really “necessary” or legitimate in ANY circumstance – much less one that involves kids in leotards.

So what if the old coaching methods led to gold medals?

Do the ends really justify the means?

Is the trail of physical and emotional damage really worth it?

Isn’t a human being worth more than medals? Isn’t your health and well-being more important?

I can help you to work through your big questions…

… to get clarity, find your own voice, and empower yourself for your future.

As an ethics specialist and former club and NCAA Division I gymnast who experienced the good, the bad, and the ugly of competitive gymnastics, I will help you work through what’s gone on in the gym, and carve out a healthier path for yourself.

Together, we can discuss what “success” means in sports and life… and what it means to grow and flourish as an athlete AND a whole person.

We can put all the other voices aside and explore YOUR passions, aspirations, and needs.

We can examine different kinds of power dynamics in the gym (and in life!), considering which ones support your growth as an athlete and a person best… and which ones are destructive.

And we can figure out the best ways to communicate your values, goals, and needs with others, so that you can find and build the partnerships that will serve you best going forward.

Monica Vilhauer, Ph.D., Philosophical Counselor  Former club and NCAA Div I Gymnast

Are you ready to take back your life?

I can help you assess your options and find the courage to make positive and healthy choices for yourself.

I will be a fierce advocate for your well-being and autonomy as we make this journey together.

You deserve nothing less. Contact me today!

Note: I typically work with clients who are 18 years and older. I’ll consider younger recovering athletes on a case by case basis. If you are a parent of a younger athlete, I am happy to consult with you about how to best support your child.