Existential Crisis

“That’s great it starts with an earthquake, birds, and snakes, and aeroplanes…”
–“It’s the End of the World as We Know It,” R. E. M.

Your existential crisis might feel like the end of the world as you know it.

Everything you thought you knew… the central beliefs of your life… all the things that have oriented you in the world…

They all just got pulled right out from under you.

There’s nothing stable left to stand on.

It all starts with disillusionment.

That’s the first earthquake of your existential crisis.

You might think disillusionment only happens in relation to religious beliefs. But a crisis of faith is just one version of disillusionment.

We all have beliefs that direct and motivate us, whether we learned them through organized religion or not.

There are beliefs wrapped up in your professional commitments, family creed, political affiliation, and philosophy of life.

At any time, it might dawn on you that some of these beliefs are problematic, toxic, or straight-up wrong.

Let’s say, for instance, that you’ve dreamt of becoming a teacher, a nurse, lawyer, or psychotherapist. You worked hard to get your degree. You sacrificed. You wanted to be the kind of person that builds someone up. You wanted to heal someone. You wanted to stand up for another in their time of need.

But then you saw things you didn’t think were possible: unimaginable suffering, corruption, injustice, violence, abuse, illness, or death.

Now you’re burnt out and demoralized in your career. You see dysfunction, ineffectiveness, and gaslighting everywhere. You wonder whether the current systems even allow for education in the classroom, for health to be renewed in a hospital, for justice to be done in a courtroom, or for healing to take place on “the couch.”

You’re hard-pressed to find anyone who really believes in the ideals that got you into your field in the first place. It’s a punch to the gut, and you’re expected just to play along.

You wonder if you’ve been naïve. What could you possibly believe in now? You don’t know which way is up. You’re in free fall.

You feel yourself going to a dark place.

What’s the point of anything in a world where all these terrible things can happen?

Does anything MEAN anything anymore?

Are all your efforts just… futile?

Your old ideals are shattered. The world seems… empty.

Nobody wants to talk about this with you. Your friends think you’re getting kind of “scary.” They try to get you out for a night of karaoke to flip the switch. You stay home and Google “nihilism” instead.

What’s the point of it all?

How can the void be refilled?

Who will answer these questions for you?

You feel alienated… like a wandering stranger in your own life.

Believe it or not, an existential crisis is pretty common.

You’ve lost your sense of meaning, purpose, who you are, and what you want to do with yourself. It happens to a lot of us.

So… what’s next?

Well, the next step will take some heavy lifting on your part. Here’s the thing: Nobody can reorient your life for you. It’s something each of us has to do for ourselves.

But! A supportive, thoughtful, and creative partner to talk to and deliberate with can help you grapple with some big difficulties of the human condition and inspire you to move forward!

You see… human beings are free beings.

We create our own direction in life, our own life plan, and our own sense of identity through our projects, choices, and actions.

We each have to find our WHY in life that motivates us to live, press forward, and strive to become who we want to be.

It’s up to each of us to examine beliefs and values handed down to us and figure out which ones we will adopt, revise, or maybe even reject. And we usually go through this process more than once. (You guessed it: college, mid-life, and retirement are the big reassessment ages of life.)

Each of us is tasked with creating a life that reflects our sense of self, our aspirations, and our sense of integrity if we are going to experience fulfillment.

I know: That’s a lot of responsibility.

And starting over is a scary, confusing, angst-ridden project.

Just becoming aware of some hard truths of the human condition – like your freedom and responsibility – can be super disorienting and terrifying. 

You might be tempted to ignore your responsibility or hide from it by conforming to whatever cookie-cutter model is presented by another as “the life you must live.” After all, uncertainty is uncomfortable, so we often try to fill the void as quickly as possible and determine our futures with whatever model is quick, easy, or common.

But shying away from the struggle to design your own life, and adopting someone else’s plan for you, creates inauthenticity in your life and self-deception about your freedom. That’s plenty alienating, too.

Philosophical counseling can help.

In philosophical counseling, we will take time to discuss these (and other) hard truths about the human condition and figure out different ways you might respond.

We will examine old beliefs. We’ll look at what was working, what wasn’t, and why. We’ll do a deep dive into what sparked your disillusionment.

We’ll brainstorm alternative ways of thinking, with help from philosophical wisdom traditions, and make revisions that can move you from confusion to clarity.

We will work on approaching your freedom, your options, and your choices with curiosity and creativity, instead of dread.

We will clarify your values and aspirations and find ways to align your actions with your goals.

We will explore and develop that weird, wonderful character that is YOU, and create a life that is truly your own.

Monica Vilhauer, Ph.D. Philosophical Counselor

Ready to transform your angst into empowerment?​

I’ve been there myself, and I know you can do this.

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