Individual Philosophical Counseling

What do philosophical struggles involve?

You might be wondering what philosophical struggles involve because you haven’t really thought of your difficulties as “philosophical” before.

Let’s stroll through some philosophical crises and quests together, so you can see how they are wrapped up in lots of life’s big challenges.

Questioning mainstream norms, beliefs, and values…

It seemed so obvious before. Go to school, graduate, get a job, get married, buy a house, have a couple of kids, make lots of money, and be a big success. Right?

What, you’re not sure you want to do that stuff anymore? Or you tried it, and now you’re miserable? Wait, did you try buying a Tesla? Because I hear that fixes everything. Didn’t work?

You’re starting to question popular beliefs about success and happiness. Are those popular beliefs right for you? Do they deliver on their promises? Is there something toxic about our cultural norms and the kind of life they create?

This is your opportunity to examine your life, figure some things out for yourself, and find your own personally fulfilling path.

Searching for meaning and purpose in life…

It’s another day of just going through the motions. You’re not sure you care much about today’s meeting or this quarter’s goals.

It all just feels sort of… empty.

You’re bored.

You’ve worked hard to get here, but now you’re just… comfortably numb?

Everybody seems to know what they want out of life. But you feel aimless and can’t see a future. Okay, let’s be honest: This seriously sucks. It’s really depressing. It’s uncomfortably numb, people!

Yeah, you do your work, feed yourself, vacuum the house occasionally, and go for a beer after work with a friend. You function, but there’s no passion.

What would INSPIRE you to get out of bed in the morning?

What would you WANT to work hard or fight hard for?

It’s a good time to do some self-exploration and world-exploration to find your direction.

The quest for self-determination and authenticity…

You’ve tried to be a good girl all your life. You’ve followed the rules. You did what your mentors told you. You tried hard to live up to your teachers’ and your bosses’ expectations.

Hell, you even tried to appease your mother-in-law. She wanted you to cook HER recipes for HER precious son and grandsons. Whatever… you did what she wanted, and the family seemed to like the meals, so it was okay. It was the path of least resistance.

But now you’re wondering if you’ve ever made an appearance in your own life. Have you been following a script written for someone else? Has your life just been molded by other people’s expectations of you? Does your life really reflect what you care about most? And here’s a particularly unsettling thought: Have the people you’ve loved most ever really seen who you are?

Great questions. This is your moment! Let’s think about what you want to do with your one life. Sure, there’s always a motive to please others. There’s always pressure to conform to some “standard.” But you’re not standard. And you’re starting to feel that your life is not your own.

It’s time to write your own script.

Grappling with an identity crisis…

Your whole career is hanging in the balance because of major shakeups in your industry. You might be headed for an early retirement.

You were really good at your job. It allowed you to express your personality, passions, and skills. You don’t know anything else. You don’t know who you are without it.

Meanwhile, the last kid is going off to college. You’re no longer needed at 6:00 PM on a weeknight to make dinner and help with homework. All the ways you used to define yourself and feel your value in the world are in question.

Your best friend tells you that even Madonna has to reinvent herself. You start sobbing. Who are you now? What’s your worth now that everything has changed?

Big changes and losses can profoundly affect how we understand our identities. They shake us to the core. But they can also be an opportunity to think anew about what’s most important to you and who you want to be.

This is a chance to make a new commitment to yourself and your aspirations.

Dealing with ethical dilemmas…

You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. All your options seem equally bad. Someone is going to get hurt.

You need help analyzing the situation.

Which things do you really need to pay attention to? How do you weigh all the different factors? You want to treat others (and yourself) with respect and care, but what exactly does that mean?

There might not be an airtight formula that tells you what you should do without question. An ethical decision will always involve uncertainty and a choice only you can make. But with some philosophical analysis, at least you can make a choice that you can explain and defend – even if just to yourself.

Talking through different frameworks for ethical thinking, seeing how they would apply to your particular situation, and getting clear on what personal integrity means for you will help you decide what to do.

Struggling with alienation and social power…

The environment you’ve been returning to daily at your office, school, or gym is seriously toxic. There’s dysfunction everywhere. You’re criticized daily. The people in charge are demeaning. You’re ordered around. You’re treated like a thing… a tool… a “service” with no thoughts, feelings, choices, or human needs of your own.

You’re burnt out, depressed, and walking on eggshells. You haven’t sincerely smiled in a long time. You hold back tears so that you don’t appear weak. You have to put on a show.

Lately, you think that you DON’T DESERVE to be treated any better than this – that this is “just the way things are” in your profession, field of study, or sport. If you can’t cut it, then you don’t deserve to be there.

You keep trying to endure it. You worked so hard to get here. You feel you need this job, this scholarship, or this coach to achieve your dreams. Success requires sacrifice, right? The people in charge “know what’s best,” right?

You feel powerless. You’re not allowed to speak up. There will be retaliation. There’s no one you can trust to talk to. You feel so alone.

Let’s talk about what respect for human beings looks like and get clear about what you deserve. Let’s talk about what abuses of power look like and how to resist them. Let’s find those windows of freedom that are still open to you, so you can save and rebuild your life.

You can talk to me. No one deserves this kind of dehumanizing treatment. You still have choices.